It seems I disappeared from blogdom for a while. I thought it would be easy to find a few minutes here and there to post something, but funny thing, I don’t really care right now! But I wanted everyone who reads this (all ten of you) to know that Anna and I are doing great and I’m absolutely loving these first few days, even with a little sleep exhaustion thrown in.

I’ve done a lot of thinking/reflecting on the whole experience. In fact, I’m having trouble sleeping, not just because of taking care of a new baby, but because even when I do have the opportunity to sleep, my mind is racing and re-living everything.

I am amazed at how many things are so different than what I expected. Some of this gets a lot more personal than I usually care to get in a blog post, but I’d like to write it. After this, I’ll probably go back to being my old stoic self.

I thought labor would be like torture. Actually, it isn’t bad, and I learned I can handle it. When I finally went to the hospital, I was convinced they were going to just send me home, when in fact, I was pretty far along. I couldn’t believe it. (However, I did eventually get the epidural because I was afraid of going all the way to the end without it. It was the right decision.)

I thought having a c-section, especially an unplanned one, would be awful. I thought it would be very upsetting and very difficult to recover from. In fact, I wasn’t upset at all, and the recovery has been remarkably easy. I was up and about the first day, the pain medication took care of most of the pain, and by about three days later I didn’t even need that.

Related to the first two points, I thought that if I did have a c-section after going through labor and an attempted delivery, I would be angry that I had gone through labor if I was just going to end up with a c-section anyway. However (and I don’t understand why), I’m glad I went through labor. I’ll never forget that feeling of anticipation that Anna was finally on her way, wondering if and being hesitant to believe that it was really going to happen that day. And I learned that I can do it. Looking back, I would be sorry if I had missed out on the opportunity to experience it. Again, this just blows me away that I feel this way.

I thought I would hate being in the hospital. I thought I would be the worst patient ever and would be dying to get out of there. In fact, I enjoyed being in the hospital, especially at night. The night nurses were wonderful, and the atmosphere—lying in the dark with dim lights, calm and quiet, drifting in and out of sleep—was so soothing. I either enjoyed my time with my baby or sent her to the nursery so I could get a little sleep. Both were nice.

I thought I wouldn’t like breastfeeding. I was going to put up with it because it’s the best thing for my baby (not to mention our finances!). But actually, I like it.

And finally, I knew I would love my baby of course, but I had no idea just how much. I’m overwhelmed with her and can’t get enough of her. That’s another reason I’m having trouble sleeping—I just want to soak her up and I don’t want to miss anything. It’s so hard to put her down and go to sleep myself; I just want to watch every breath, every facial expression, to just talk to her and tell her how much I love her and how wonderful she is. I’m not normally an emotional, lovey-dovey, touchy-feely person, and this just came out of nowhere and blindsided me. But I love it.

Well, there you have it. Not a linear story of my birth experience, but some snippets of how I’ve perceived the whole thing.

Comments(9)